Make Like a Banana and Split

There can be nothing, but nothing in baseball that is as annoying as a split of a doubleheader.

Sweeping a doubleheader is always an uplifting thing, even if you're team is horrible. Searching for a win? How 'bout two in one day?

Double your pleasure, double your fun. We got two wins, and you got none. Get it? Two wins, Doublemint twins...two wins...twins...

...alright, at least it rhymed.

Losing both in a doubleheader usually screws me up for a day or two beyond the actual day it happened. Insult to injury. Like being late to pay your registration, then getting pulled over by the police on the very day you're going down to the DMV to pay it.

Not that that's ever happened to me before. Just giving an example.

Although Cain didn't have the best line in that first game, I'm still encouraged -- only one walk and six strikeouts through five innings. Good 'nuff. And the bullpen, as I've mentioned before, is becoming pleasant to watch...with the exception of Armando Benevolentez, who loves his fellow man so much that he can't help but let a couple opposing hitters on base every, single time he takes the mound. I'm beginning to wonder how good he is with his ABC's, because as far as innings go, he doesn't do 1-2-3's.

(guffaw! guffaw! snort!)

And when would any of us have predicted seeing the name E. Alfonzo homer for the Giants? Heh.

It's Eliezer, not Edgardo, these rhymes are Darryl's, the burgers are Ronald's! (sorry, Run DMC flashback)

The 2nd game saw good things from the pitching staff, with Jamey Wright again doing his job, but seeing the offense fail them again. If I told you the offensive fireworks were supplied by none other than Jose Vizcaino (who, sadly, has three hits in his last four at-bats, which will cause more unwarranted playing time), then you should get the drift.

It's the Battle of the Old and Old-Looking as Matt Morris and Steve Trachsel square off today...I made the mistake of reading Rich Draper's game preview for today, where he listed Vizcain'to as the Player to Watch because of his Law-Of-Averages home run on Saturday. Rich, Vizcaino is only the Player to Watch because after you watch him for a while, you go, "How's this guy have a job?"

Then you go on to more important things, like tracking the movements of clouds over five hour periods or watching ants swim in the toilet.

Now that I've said that, the Reverse Curse (tm) is in full effect, and he'll likely collect another couple of extra-base hits, after which Brian Sabean will sign him to an extension through 2008.