Thursday, March 24, 2005

Fights I'd Like to See, Part 2

I propose a new statistic to track for Major League Baseball players: stupidity factor.

And if PECOTA were to project this stat? Sidney Ponson would rank first...or last, depending on how one views these things.

Ponson was involved in another altercation recently. Teammates say he was defending himself, but...

Let's get this straight here. By the time the season begins, there will be about 650 major league ballplayers in MLB, and in training camp this spring, that number is much closer to 1500.

Of all these players, it just so happens that Sydney Ponson, the Judge Puncher, would happen to get attacked and need to "defend himself"?

Color me skeptical.

Fights I'd like to see? The Judge Puncher vs. The Crotch Kicker, yes folks, Ponson vs. Pierzynski! The Battery of Pain!

Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Ponson was pitching to A.J.? A.J. would be calling the pitch, but Ponson would keep shaking him off, so then A.J. would put his middle finger straight down like he was calling the next pitch, and then Ponson would get mad and charge home plate? Like, wouldn't that be so cool?

Ponson needs to invest in a DSD (dumb-shit detector). It might get a bit annoying for him, since it'd always be going off, but at least he'd have a clue.

See, I told you here that Ponson holds the Champion's Belt, ready to take on all comers, be they Pierzynski, Milton Bradly, or Ron Artest.

All we need is Jim Lampley, Mills Lane, and a $60 surcharge.


Anonymous said...

All I have to say is... thank god that's an orange bird on his hat instead of an orange "SF"


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