Friday, January 07, 2005

Waiting to Exhale

I'm really trying to push this blog to an everyday thing, but boy, is it tough to do in the offseason...especially after just about everybody any of us would care about is already signed.

A.J. Pierzynski was signed by the White Sox for 2.25 million. It's a one year contract, which goes to show that Chicago isn't all that confident in A.J's abilities, either. A.J's got one really good shot at getting his offensive numbers back to where they were two years ago -- he's now back in the American League, and back in the AL Central to boot. Unfortunately, I'm also a Kansas City Royals fan, and I never really liked "Double Play" A.J., so I'm going to wish him the best of bad luck.

I'm wanting to point and laugh at the Arizona Diamondbacks, but it'll take a bit to gather all the punchlines into one, cohesive stand-up routine, so give me another day or two...I'll try and figure out how to make you laugh with me, too.

Actually,'s pretty easy.

Troy Glaus - about 11 million per year for a guy who's played about half his games over the last two years (tee-hee!)
Russ Ortiz - about 6 million per year for a guy who had a WHIP of 1.51 last season (giggle)
Craig Counsell - 3 million? I mean, he's a gutsy little guy, and that's an interesting batting stance and all, but 3 million? (guffaw)
Royce Clayton - had a .735 OPS last year...while playing half his games at Coors Field. What's that translate to at the BOB? Oh, I'm guessing sub .700 (chuckle)
Shawn Green - ...oh, wait, this deal STILL ain't done. (ROFLMAO!)

It looks like Shawn Green and the D-Back couldn't come to an amicable contract extension by the deadline set by the Dodgers, which means the deal is comatose. Not dead yet, but comatose.

What do the Dodgers say to Green if he has to return? We tried to trade you two times, but no hard feelings? Furthermore, what happens to the Dodgers after Green's 16 million goes thud! right back on their payroll?

The D-Backs, if they are unable to acquire Green, will likely re-fire up talks with Jeremy Burnitz, who was told right before a meeting with Arizona that he no longer had a meeting with Arizona. Maybe the Arizona's GP, Ken Kendrick, used the Jedi mind trick on Burnitz...

Burnitz: "So, our meeting is tomorrow, right?"

Kendrick: (making hand gesture) "We do not have a meeting tomorrow."

Burnitz: "Yeah, we do! What are you talking about?"

Kendrick: (again making hand gesture) "We do not have a meeting tomorrow."

Burnitz: "What is this crap, and why do you keep waving your hand at me?"

Kendrick: (gesturing wildly) "We do not....Republican credits are fine!"

Burnitz: "Who do you think you are, some kind of Jedi? Mind tricks don't work on me, only money!"

Kendrick: (sighing) "Here's 100 bucks."

Burnitz: "Gee, thanks! And by the way, my OPS was 100 points higher than Green's last year."

Kendrick: "Yes, but Green's easily superior. He hit in a pitcher's park while you hit in an extreme hitter's park. Plus, he made 15 million more than you did last year!"

1 comment:

Gavin said...

I would suggest that your posting content until spring training be a variation of the following:

1) Predicted opening day lineup
2) Predicted 2005 final standings
3) Laughing at the Yankees for finally reaching their spending limit
4) Laughing at the Devil Rays for signing Alex S. Gonzalez for $1.75m
5) Laughing at whoever loses the Beltran sweepstakes (especially if it's the Mindless Mets)
6) Express bitterness towards divisinal teams that are likely to outplay the Royals in 2005
7) Laugh at the White Sox for... well, being the White Sox
8) Complain about how sterroids are ruining the game

Just some suggestions. =)