Fights I'd Like to See, Part III

More "classic" O&B stuff, with part 1 of this series here, and part 2 over here.

I don't know, really, what else I can say about Milton Bradley and Sydney Ponson that I already haven't said, but they just keep giving me new material. Bradley with his race-related rants, and Ponson with his desire to drink and drive.

I'd like to get them in the ring to duke it out, but there's a problem -- in addition to being my frequent targets of cynical sarcasm (if such a thing exists), they share something else: pain.

Ponson is currently on the DL for the Orioles, and Bradley is about to go on the DL and will likely miss the rest of the season. Shucks, there goes my Pay-Per-View revenue.

Bradley's issue can't come as a big surprise, simply because he had been in no trouble all year -- something had to be building up. Being that his racial remarks came at the expense of another jerk in Jeff Kent is just icing on the cake. Bradley should've found a way to include Uber-Jerk Jeff Weaver, too, but he must've missed my memo.

Can there be any doubt that Bradley is an idiot of the highest caliber? Kent chews out Bradley for not scoring from first on a double that Kent hit, then Bradley takes that to the level of Kent not knowing "how to deal with African-American people". Why does he have to "deal" with African-American people, Milton? Why can't he just deal with "people"?

Somebody get Emeril, because Bradley kicked it up about 27 notches with that dash of Cayenne Pepper.

It's stupid on Bradley's part, but it's often even funnier to hear the responses. Here's part of Kent's response: "That's a shame, and I take offense to that. That's just absolutely pathetic if it comes from his mouth."

And what, Jeff, it's not pathetic if it comes from his sphincter or his nostril? No, I guess that'd just be hilarious.

The thing is, I don't really fault Bradley for being irritated with Kent -- I'm sure Kent, being the jerk that he is, has done things to legitimately annoy Bradley. But to go from that to Caucasian-to-African-American player relations is silly. Bradley even went so far as to accuse the media of coming to his locker first because he's Black.

No, Milton, they came to you first because they knew something asinine would fly out of your mouth before Kent's. Instant story.

Anyhow, onto Ponson, the Judge-Puncher. He's gotten two DUI's and gotten into two physical altercations in the span of one year, he's got a 6.21 ERA with a WHIP of 1.73, he allows opposing hitters to bat .331 against him...

...and he makes 8.5 million dollars. Heh, and we worry about how overpaid Edgardo Alfonzo is.

Forget Eric Milton, Ponson easily has the worst contract in the majors. And to top it all off, he isn't even the most scandalous player on his team. That honor goes to Rafael Palmeiro at the moment, so Ponson can screw up like this and not even come close to the front page. The Orioles have a hugely overpaid punk in Ponson, a disgraced former Hall of Fame candidate in Palmeiro, and even have Mr. Corked Bat in Sammy Sosa.

Is it any wonder these guys fell out of the race? I feel sorry for Miguel Tejada.